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HK customs raided 4 shops, 1 chilled food market and 1 wholesaler in Tai Kuk Tsui, Yau Ma Tei, Sham Shui Po and Wong Tai Sin for suspecting of selling fake top-class golden phoenix Thai jasmine rice. 25 kilogram of suspected fake golden phoenix Thai rice has been confiscated, and 10 suspects have been arrested by the HK customs. HK customs’ initial investigation shows that the suspects put the second-class rice into rice bag with counterfeit trademarks and sealed the bag. Then the suspects sold the fake rice as real products. Meanwhile, the import price of Thai rice rises 6% month-on-month on October.

Kindly Ask for Any Mistakes in the Texts,,, thank you soooo much!

Dimsumexpress · Accepted Answer

Your compostion is ok, but still far from being well written.

Capitalization errors:

Hong Kong Customs, golden phoenix.

In real English, there is no "chilled food", though we have "frozen foods".

Top-class- No! Top grade- Yes.

Second class rice- No, Low grade or low ~~quality rice~~ Yes.

You can say ".... the price of the imported Thai rice rose 6% in Oct.

Here, the sentence is ambiguous and confusing. 6% month -to-month increase suggests a comparatively longer time context which is compeltely different than 6% in Oct.

I am not sure which one you have in mind. But for a more natural and news-like versoin of the account, I rewrote it for your reference:

Hong Kong Customs raided four business locations today in Tai Tsui, Yau Ma Tei, Sham Shui Po and Wong Tai Sin. Among the raids, a frozed food market and a wholesaler, a total of 25 Kilos of fake Golden Phoenix Jasmine Rice were found and confisticated. The agency has arrested 10 suspects in connection to the sales of counterfeit rice from Thailand. The intial investigation revealed that the suspects packaged the low quality rice into sacks printed with counterfeit trademarks and sold the low-quality rice as real products. Mean while, the price of Thai rice rose 6% in October.

Hope that helps..

Tszming · Answer

Thanks a lot!

JoshStafford · Answer

dimsumexpressAmong the raids, a frozed food market and a wholesaler, a total of 25 Kilos of fake Golden Phoenix Jasmine Rice were found and confisticated

Among the raids, at a frozed food market and a wholesaler, a total of 25 Kilos of fake Golden Phoenix Jasmine Rice were found and confisticated.

Dimsumexpress · Answer

<....at a frozed food market and a wholesaler......>

I don't think "at" is necessary. This is a noun phrase describing what were being raided. If you omit this phrase, the sentence would read:

Among the raids, a total of 25 Kilos of fake Golden Phoenix Jasmine Rice were found and confisticated.

Mister Micawber · Answer

HK Customs raided 4 shops, 1 chilled food market and 1 wholesaler in Tai Tsui, Yau Ma Tei, Sham Shui Po and Wong Tai Sin on suspicion of selling fake top-class Golden Phoenix Thai jasmine rice. Twenty-five kilograms of suspected rice has been confiscated, and 10 suspects have been arrested. HK Customs’ initial investigation has revealed that the suspects sealed the inferior rice into bags with counterfeit trademarks and sold them as the real thing. Meanwhile, the import price of Thai rice rose 6% month-on-month in October.

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