Keep losing so much

Can you please explain what is "keep losing so much" in this context? before before that she says she holds inside so much...

If that happens to you, what do you do? -Sometimes I then get defensive or I blow up.

-So you blow up. -I just get mad or I launch into the all other stuff that I put down and push down and kept out of the conversation.

-You get angry?

-I get angry and then it comes up. Because I only can keep so much in and keep losing so much then I'm finally like…
-so all this hurt and resentment comes up.