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Nocy Posted 18 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

it's my second draft.

0it's my second draft. please give me any advice. i want it to be natural to read.02br
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00expression,grammar(especially, pronoun is difficult), punctuation marks etc..02br
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00 this is my first trial of english composition.02br
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05000 01h2

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00===02br
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00 Wisdom for Money02br
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00 For a long time, people have had a tendency to believe that money is the 00 02br
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00root of all evil. Even those who were rich and in high class didn't like to talk 00 02br
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00about money. As far as I know, this is because in the Bible, richness is 00 02br
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00considered as evil. For example, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of 00 02br
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00a needle, than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God." However, can 00 02br
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00we do anything without money, these days? I guess nobody can answer "yes." 00 02br
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00Thus, it is certain that money is essential to us. What we should do is not to 00 02br
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00avoid it but learn about how to use it. We need wisdom for money.02br
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00 00 First of all, we have to know how to save money. If we know a little bit02br
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00about the tax system, we can save much money.02br
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00 For example,00 00 02br
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00( i have to write an example here, but it isn't easy to find ) 02br
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00 00 Secondly, we need to know how to spend money.00 If we spend money02br
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00 with the plan about how to spend, we will not waste money. ( here, too )02br
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00 In conclusion, money is such an important part of our lives that we should 02br
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00be able to control it. Although there are proverbs and stories in which money 02br
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00seems to make human beings corrupted, that is actually not because of money. 02br
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00This is because the way to control it is wrong. If we use it properly, money can 02br
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00give us not only richness but also happiness. We need wisdom for money.01h2

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00= THANK YOU FOR READING02br
0510name[문서의 처음]
  

Top answer

0 Wisdom for Money 02br 02br 00 For a long time, people have had 01font 00the02font 00 tendency to believe that money is the 00 02br 02br 00root of all evil. Even those who 01font 00are02font 00 rich and01font 00 famous don't l02font 00ike to talk 00 02br 02br 00about money. 01font 00Perhaps02font 00 this is because in the Bible, 01font 00to be rich02font 00 is 00 02br 02br 00considered evil.

  • 0 Wisdom for Money 02br 02br 00 For a long time, people have had 01font 00the02font 00 tendency to believe that money is the 00 02br 02br 00root of all evil.
  • Even those who 01font 00are02font 00 rich and01font 00 famous don't l02font 00ike to talk 00 02br 02br 00about money.
  • 01font 00Perhaps02font 00 this is because in the Bible, 01font 00to be rich02font 00 is 00 02br 02br 00considered evil.
  • " However, can 00 02br 02br 00we do anything without money, these days?
  • " 00 02br 02br 01font 00Maybe it is because02font 00 money is essential to us.
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2 Answers
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0 Wisdom for Money 02br
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00 For a long time, people have had 01font00the02font00 tendency to believe that money is the 00 02br
02br
00root of all evil. Even those who 01font00are02font00 rich and01font00 f
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0thank you so much02br
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00 you gave me good advice.02br
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00 i'm feeling i must study harder..0-

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