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Mr. Tom Posted 16 years ago
Grammar
It wasn't the first time. She had found her cupboard open and ...
Hi
I am sure I have not handled the following lines well, and they need a major surgery. Please help me make them natural, especially the yellow parts. Also, can I delete the green line completely?
It wasn’t the first time. She had found her bedroom cupboard open many times before but (had?) always convinced herself that it was she who had forgotten to lock it, and the presence of someone else in the/her? apartment, human or supernatural, was just a delusive belief. But tonight it was one time too many. She distinctly remembered locking her cupboard before she had left for the party, [but once again had found it unlocked and open on her return]. Who had been entering her apartment and tampering with her cupboard and why? She shuddered.
Thanks,
Tom
I am sure I have not handled the following lines well, and they need a major surgery. Please help me make them natural, especially the yellow parts. Also, can I delete the green line completely?
It wasn’t the first time. She had found her bedroom cupboard open many times before but (had?) always convinced herself that it was she who had forgotten to lock it, and the presence of someone else in the/her? apartment, human or supernatural, was just a delusive belief. But tonight it was one time too many. She distinctly remembered locking her cupboard before she had left for the party, [but once again had found it unlocked and open on her return]. Who had been entering her apartment and tampering with her cupboard and why? She shuddered.
Thanks,
Tom
Top answer
It wasn't the first time she had found her wardrobe open, but she had always convinced herself that it was she who had forgotten to lock it, that the presence of someone else in her apartment, human or supernatural, was just a delusive belief. But tonight, it was one time too many. She distinctly remembered locking it before leaving for the party.
- It wasn't the first time she had found her wardrobe open, but she had always convinced herself that it was she who had forgotten to lock it, that the presence of someone else in her apartment, human or supernatural, was just a delusive belief.
- But tonight, it was one time too many.
- She distinctly remembered locking it before leaving for the party.
- Who had been entering her apartment and tampering with her wardrobe and why?
- She shuddered.
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7 Answers
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It wasn't the first time she had found her wardrobe open, but she had always convinced herself that it was she who had forgotten to lock it, that the presence of someone else in her apartment, human or supernatural, was just a delusive belief. But tonight, it was one time too many. She distinctly remembered locking it before leaving for the party. Who had been entering her apartment and tampering
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As an American, a lockable cupboard in a bedroom is completely bizarre to me.
I am used to closets, typically not lockable. My American version follows.
It wasn’t the first time. She had found her bedroom closet open many times before but had always convinced herself that
I am used to closets, typically not lockable. My American version follows.
It wasn’t the first time. She had found her bedroom closet open many times before but had always convinced herself that
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I take it you've had the same problem then.
The last time it happened to me it turned out to be aliens.
CJ
The last time it happened to me it turned out to be aliens.
CJ
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khoffI suspect the cat.Imagine what mischief they could get to if they had opposable thumbs.
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Which do you think would be more interesting -- cats with opposable thumbs, or cats with prehensile tails?
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I had a scary dream with mean monkeys the other night. Let's not go there.
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