1. Is this written okay?
2. Is the idiom "take a swing" common enough to be used three times in a row here without mixing it up with something else?
Trey took a big swing at Leon, but missed.
Trey: I hate you!
Trey took another wild swing at Leon, but missed again.
Trey: I freaking hate you!
Another swing... and another miss from Trey.
anonymous 1. Is this written okay? It looks all right to me.
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anonymous1. Is this written okay?
It looks all right to me.
anonymous2. Is the idiom "take a swing" common enough to be used three times in a row here without mixing it up with something else?
Yes. What could it be mixed up with?