Is this well-written?

Question

Hi teachers. Is this well-written? Please comment.

Suddenly the chef pulled out a knife and whirled it swiftly around in his hand, showing some crazy skills, before stabbing it down into a chopping block. Startled, the cooking student jumped back.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

anonymousSuddenly

No. That is a mark of bad writing. Put the idea in the verb: "The chef whisked out a knife …."

anonymous whirled it swiftly around in his hand

You should make the experiment of going back over what you've written and deleting every adverb and adjective you find. Try it, and see how it lends power to your prose. In this case, "swiftly" actually slows the reader down a beat, rendering the chef's hand that much less swift. Also, were you afraid we might think he was holding it with some other appendage? "Twirl" is better, partly because it conjures a baton. "The chef whisked out a knife and twirled it around …."

anonymousshowing some crazy skills,

If this fits the narrator's tone, so be it. It does serve to prolong the twirling.

anonymousbefore stabbing it down into a chopping block.

Almost. "A" chopping block makes it sound like there were other options, and although that may be true, it is a distraction as far as the action goes. Maybe "his" chopping block. If we already know about it, "the" chopping block is better. "The chef whisked out a knife and twirled it around, showing some crazy skills, before stabbing it down into the chopping block." See how much brisker it is?

anonymousStartled, the cooking student jumped back.

Weak. There is a rule: "Don't tell, show." Find a verb or two for what the cooking student did that makes it obvious he was startled. Also, you make it sound like we already know the cooking student is there, so why do we have to be told again that the cooking student is a cooking student?

I am telling you what I would tell a native speaker who wrote what you did. I hope that you take it in the proper spirit.

Is this well-written?

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