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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is this small passage worded in the proper way?

During a festival in Menzoberranzan shortly thereafter, Quenthel and several other members of her family met with the nobles of House Fey Branche at their home. After Quenthel displayed her complete dominance over House Fey Branche and all of Menzoberranzan, she reprimanded and punished Minolin Fey, the Mistress of Arach-Tinilith, who had been trying to use Gromph to assist her in causing Quenthel’s downfall and was pregnant with the archmage’s daughter.
  

Top answer

If Arach-Tinilith is the one who is pregnant, this works. "

  • If Arach-Tinilith is the one who is pregnant, this works.
  • "
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5 Answers
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If Arach-Tinilith is the one who is pregnant, this works. It might be confusing without an extra who before "was pregnant with..."
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thanks for all your help. Minoloin is the mistress of arach-tinillith, a school, and is the pregnant one, so should I add the second 'who'?
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Okay so should I leave it as is or revise it?

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