Is this small passage worded in the correct way?

FYI- Yder and his warriors are the Netherese and Shadovar. Yder and his warriors entered the mansion, but the two Chosen managed to escape capture and deceived the Shadovar into believing that they and the Eye were aboard a ship called the Wave Wyvern, which was sailing away from Marsember at that moment. Arietta’s parents, the grand duke and duchess Farnig and Elira Seasilver, and a contingent of the family’s guards were on the ship and trying to flee the city, but Yder and the other shades quickly transported onto the vessel. The Netherese warriors killed Farnig and many of the others aboard the Wave Wyvern, and then took Elira and the remaining men-at-arms as prisoners.