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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is this small passage correctly worded?

FYI- Menzoberranzan is the drow city and Lolth is the Spider Queen. In Menzoberranzan, Quenthel Baenre, the Matron Mother of the First House, discovered that Lolth was incredibly angry with the drow city, which was on the edge of civil war, since House Xorlarrin soon completely leaving for Gauntlgrym destabilized the hierarchy of the Ruling Houses. Quenthel ordered her sole surviving sister, Sos'umptu, the First Priestess of House Baenre, and her eldest daughter, Myrineyl, a high-ranking student at Arach-Tinilith, the training school for drow priestesses, to summon a yochlol, a handmaiden of the Spider Queen, to attempt to learn why the goddess was enraged.
  

Top answer

cboutin3 , which was on the edge of civil war, since House Xorlarrin soon completely leaving for Gauntlgrym destabilized the hierarchy of the Ruling Houses. Quenthel ordered her sole surviving sister, Sos'umptu, the First Priestess of House Baenre I guess this is okay, but it was confusing to me on the first couple of readings.

— Philip

  • cboutin3 , which was on the edge of civil war, since House Xorlarrin soon completely leaving for Gauntlgrym destabilized the hierarchy of the Ruling Houses.
  • Quenthel ordered her sole surviving sister, Sos'umptu, the First Priestess of House Baenre I guess this is okay, but it was confusing to me on the first couple of readings.
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11 Answers
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cboutin3, which was on the edge of civil war, since House Xorlarrin soon completely leaving for Gauntlgrym destabilized the hierarchy of the Ruling Houses. Quenthel ordered her sole surviving sister, Sos'umptu, the First Priestess of House Baenre
I guess this is okay, but it was confusing to me on the first couple of readings.
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Thanks for your help, is this revision better? In Menzoberranzan, Quenthel Baenre, the Matron Mother of the First House, discovered that Lolth was incredibly angry with the drow city. Menzoberranzan was on the edge of civil war, since House Xorlarrin soon completely leaving for Gauntlgrym destabilized the hierarchy of the Ruling Houses.

Or:

In Menzoberranzan, Quenthel Baenre, th
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Thanks, which one do you think is best?
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Either is ok, except for this, which I missed before:
soon completely leaving for Gauntlgrym leaving isn't enough verb form.
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Okay thanks, how would you suggest I word it?
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was soon to leave (?)
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Would this revision work? Menzoberranzan was on the edge of civil war, since House Xorlarrin was soon to completely leave the city for Gauntlgrym, destabilizing the hierarchy of the Ruling Houses.
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It's better! By 'completely leave' do you mean leave for good? Desert?
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Thanks again for all your help. I mean that the House officially moved to another city.
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