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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is this small pasage worded in the best way?

Malystryx continued to plague the smaller Krynnish dragons, killing them and adding their skulls to her totem, and thereby increasing her power. By 413 AC, after a long series of bloody fighting among the dragons during the Dragon Purge, Malystryx called together a meeting of the mightiest five dragons. She declared an end to the purge, and divided Ansalon between the five of them, stating that a large portion of eastern Ansalon was her domain, under the now-expanded Desolation.
  

Top answer

cboutin3 Malystryx continued to plague the smaller Krynnish dragons, killing them and adding their skulls to her totem, and thereby increasing her power. By 413 AC, after a long series of ****** fighting among the dragons during the Dragon Purge, Malystryx called together a meeting of the mightiest five dragons. She declared an end to the purge , and divided Ansalon between the five of them, stating that a large portion of eastern Ansalon was her domain, under the now-expanded Desolation.

— Philip

  • cboutin3 Malystryx continued to plague the smaller Krynnish dragons, killing them and adding their skulls to her totem, and thereby increasing her power.
  • By 413 AC, after a long series of ****** fighting among the dragons during the Dragon Purge, Malystryx called together a meeting of the mightiest five dragons.
  • She declared an end to the purge , and divided Ansalon between the five of them, stating that a large portion of eastern Ansalon was her domain, under the now-expanded Desolation.
  • Just a few things to delete.
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3 Answers
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cboutin3 Malystryx continued to plague the smaller Krynnish dragons, killing them and adding their skulls to her totem, and thereby increasing her power. By 413 AC, after a long series of ****** fighting among the dragons during the Dragon Purge, Malystryx called together a meeting of the m
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Thanks a lot for your advice. Did you get rid of the comma after "purge", it is just hard to see in your revised passage?
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Yes. I was going to mention it for the reason you stated, but I forgot...something exciting was about to come on the Olympic Games telecast. Sorry.
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