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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is this sentence properly worded?

FYI-Kitiara is the warrior-woman. Kitiara made an alliance with Dalamar to stop Raistlin, but Soth convinced the warrior-woman that Dalamar secretly supported her brother, and persuaded her to lead her forces in a direct assault on Palanthas in 357 AC.
  

Top answer

Your particular style involves lengthy sentences, complete with appositives and compound verbs. At times, it is difficult for me (and possibly other potential readers) to separate one from the other. Technically speaking, if you use the conjunction 'and', for example, you simply offer the next verb, thus making a compound verb.

— Philip

  • Your particular style involves lengthy sentences, complete with appositives and compound verbs.
  • At times, it is difficult for me (and possibly other potential readers) to separate one from the other.
  • Technically speaking, if you use the conjunction 'and', for example, you simply offer the next verb, thus making a compound verb.
  • The other option is to repeat the subject (or pronoun for it) before the next verb, but with the clause separated from the preceding clause by a comma.
  • Most writers do not feel that a simple pause in the reader's mind merits a comma.
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3 Answers
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Your particular style involves lengthy sentences, complete with appositives and compound verbs. At times, it is difficult for me (and possibly other potential readers) to separate one from the other. Technically speaking, if you use the conjunction 'and', for example, you simply offer the next verb, thus making a compound verb. The other option is to repeat the subject (or pronoun for it) befor
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Your advice has been great! So the sentence should look like that? Kitiara made an alliance with Dalamar to stop Raistlin, but Soth convinced the warrior-woman that Dalamar secretly supported her brother, and he persuaded her to lead her forces in a direct assault on Palanthas in 357 AC.
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Yes, and I would be tempted to add 'furthermore'. "...supported her brother, and he furthermore persuaded her..."
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