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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
Is this sentence grammatical?
Hi!
How can I improve upon this sentence?
The contracted party undertakes to ensure that the materials and tests are available on the webpage in such a form that the users who have registered according to the terms of use (hereafter – the “Users”) upon choice of materials may pay through the website's system by using their payment cards and, upon payment, to receive access to the program materials and tests.
Thank you!
How can I improve upon this sentence?
The contracted party undertakes to ensure that the materials and tests are available on the webpage in such a form that the users who have registered according to the terms of use (hereafter – the “Users”) upon choice of materials may pay through the website's system by using their payment cards and, upon payment, to receive access to the program materials and tests.
Thank you!
Top answer
The contracted party will ensure the following: that materials and tests are made available on the webpage, that users registered according to the terms of use ("Users") may make selections and pay for those selections from the webpage using payments cards, that valid purchases will be delivered to the purchaser. I prefer that lists of complicated things in a contract be in the form of bullet items. The extra whitespace makes it easier to see what's required.
- The contracted party will ensure the following: that materials and tests are made available on the webpage, that users registered according to the terms of use ("Users") may make selections and pay for those selections from the webpage using payments cards, that valid purchases will be delivered to the purchaser.
- I prefer that lists of complicated things in a contract be in the form of bullet items.
- The extra whitespace makes it easier to see what's required.
- The inline definition of "Users" is a good idea, but only if the text following refers to them.
- " If you feel you have to use in, "hereinafter" is better, and you don't need the dash.
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1 Answers
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The contracted party will ensure the following:
- that materials and tests are made available on the webpage,
- that users registered according to the terms of use ("Users") may make selections and pay for those selections from the webpage using payments cards,
- that valid purchases will be delivered to the purchaser.
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