Is this sentence acceptable?

Question

Fundamental differences between the two teams arise if one sees through the surface.  Or should I say:One will realize fundamental differences between the two teams if one sees through the surface. instead?

AmicusCuriosa · Accepted Answer

I might be able to answer your question better if I knew what audience you're writing for and for what purpose. Plus, I'm guessing a bit about what you're trying to say and what you want to emphasize.

Are you constrained to using a particular writing style? Neither sentence appeals to my ear, so I'm going to suggest some possibilities for re-writes. I'll use [wphr] to indicate an optional word or phrase and {a OR b [OR c OR d . . .]} to indicate a choice of two [or more] words or phrases. (Given my druthers, I'd use you instead of one, but such informality is often not allowed.)

1. "Fundamental differences between the two teams can be {seen OR observed} if one looks {past OR beyond} the surface." Since the fundamental differences don't arise as a result of the conditional clause, the verb arise doesn't work. Neither does sees through. You see through a façade (idiomatic); you see through glass; you see through a project (by working on it until it is finished). You see {past OR beyond} a surface. Google «define "see through"» for more information. An online dictionary|thesaurus such as www.dictionary.com can be a valuable resource. You can look up the definition of a word and then easily use the thesaurus feature to find synonyms for the different shades of meaning.

2. "One will realize [that] there are fundamental differences between the two teams if one looks {beyond OR past} the surface." Depending what I wanted to emphasize, I might write, "By looking past the surface, one can see [{that there are OR the}] fundamental differences between the two teams." Do you intend to emphasize that differences exist or what the differences are? For the former, use the first of the optional phrases: that there are. For the latter, either leave the optional word or phrase out (null) or use the second choice: the.

Nota bene: I thought through several variations before deciding what to suggest. I've probably gone overboard with this pseudo-tome, but my heart is in the right place, is pure, etc.

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