Is this poetry, my first attempt

Question

Diametrically apart, but not in the heart
my eyes dilate, I can't concentrate

Hands grow clamy, I sit back, try to calm me
Heart palpitations, damn these sensations!
Brought forth by the thought that cannot be bought,
the memory, from my minds dispensary
what is is to lay with you

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Diametrically apart, but not in the heart,
my eyes dilate, I can't concentrate.

Hands grow clammy, I sit back, try to calm me,
Heart palpitations, **** these sensations!
Brought forth by the thought that cannot be bought,
the memory, from my minds dispensary,
what it is to lay with you.

anonymous Is this poetry

Probably not. Rhyme alone does not make poetry, and the rhyme scheme you have chosen is choppy and ultimately irritating to the reader's ear. You obviously have a strong feeling to express, and I suggest that you get a good book (or access a good website) of love poetry and see what established poets have done with such emotions. Look how this poem's rhyme scheme flows along with the emotions:

I love your lips when they’re wet with wine
And red with a wild desire;
I love your eyes when the lovelight lies
Lit with a passionate fire.
I love your arms when the warm white flesh
Touches mine in a fond embrace;
I love your hair when the strands enmesh
Your kisses against my face.

Not for me the cold, calm kiss
Of a virgin’s bloodless love;
Not for me the saint’s white bliss,
Nor the heart of a spotless dove.
But give me the love that so freely gives
And laughs at the whole world’s blame,
With your body so young and warm in my arms,
It sets my poor heart aflame.

So kiss me sweet with your warm wet mouth,
Still fragrant with ruby wine,
And say with a fervor born of the South
That your body and soul are mine.
Clasp me close in your warm young arms,
While the pale stars shine above,
And we’ll live our whole young lives away
In the joys of a living love.

Is this poetry, my first attempt

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