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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Is this passage worded correctly?

When the pair arrived at their destination, they discovered that Grane and two Pakin soldiers had taken over the farm after their disastrous defeat by the empire and were holding Tol’s family as captives. Tol and Egrin defeated the soldiers and saved the family; however, with the use of his magic, Grane escaped. Egrin then explained to Tol’s family the offer that he had given the boy and the benefits of becoming a shilder. After Tol’s father gave him permission to begin the training, the family said their farewells since Tol would now be residing in Juramona. While on the return journey to the town, Tol came to the realization that Grane was actually a high-ranking nobleman dwelling in Juramona named Morthur Dermount, having recognized him while the renegade mage was at his family’s home.
  

Top answer

When the pair arrived, they discovered that Grane and two Pakin soldiers had taken over the farm after their disastrous defeat by the empire and were holding Tol’s family captive. Tol and Egrin defeated the soldiers and rescued the family; however, with the use of magic, Grane escaped. Egrin explained to Tol’s family the offer that he had made the boy and the benefits of becoming a shilder.

  • When the pair arrived, they discovered that Grane and two Pakin soldiers had taken over the farm after their disastrous defeat by the empire and were holding Tol’s family captive.
  • Tol and Egrin defeated the soldiers and rescued the family; however, with the use of magic, Grane escaped.
  • Egrin explained to Tol’s family the offer that he had made the boy and the benefits of becoming a shilder.
  • Tol’s father gave him permission to begin training, and the family said farewell, since Tol would now be residing in Juramona.
  • On the return journey, Tol came to the realization that Grane was actually a high-ranking nobleman named Morthur Dermount dwelling in Juramona ,having recognized him at his family home.
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1 Answers
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When the pair arrived, they discovered that Grane and two Pakin soldiers had taken over the farm after their disastrous defeat by the empire and were holding Tol’s family captive. Tol and Egrin defeated the soldiers and rescued the family; however, with the use of magic, Grane escaped. Egrin explained to Tol’s family the offer that he had made the boy and the benefits of becoming a shilder. Tol

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