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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is this passage worded and structured correctly?

FYI- Duncan was the king. The Dwarfgate War ended with the destructive blast since neither the mountain dwarves nor the hill dwarves were able to continue the conflict with the loss of both their forces. The mountain dwarves once again sealed the gates of Thorbardin to the world, and Duncan, who was heartsick at having caused so many deaths and at having lost his sons, died soon thereafter. The remaining thanes argued over who should become the next king, and each one asked Kharas to support him since they were certain that the hero’s endorsement would be enough to secure them the crown.
  

Top answer

cboutin3 FYI- Duncan was the king. The Dwarfgate War ended with the destructive blast since neither the mountain dwarves nor the hill dwarves were able to continue the conflict with the loss of both their forces. The mountain dwarves once again sealed the gates of Thorbardin to the world, and Duncan, who was heartsick at having caused so many deaths and at having lost his sons, died soon thereafter.

— Philip

  • cboutin3 FYI- Duncan was the king.
  • The Dwarfgate War ended with the destructive blast since neither the mountain dwarves nor the hill dwarves were able to continue the conflict with the loss of both their forces.
  • The mountain dwarves once again sealed the gates of Thorbardin to the world, and Duncan, who was heartsick at having caused so many deaths and at having lost his sons, died soon thereafter.
  • The remaining thanes argued over who should become the next king, and each one asked Kharas to support him since they were certain that the hero’s endorsement would be enough to secure them the crown.
  • The bold words can be eliminated if you want to make the sentence just a bit shorter.
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1 Answers
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cboutin3 FYI- Duncan was the king. The Dwarfgate War ended with the destructive blast since neither the mountain dwarves nor the hill dwarves were able to continue the conflict with the loss of both their forces. The mountain dwarves once again sealed the gates of Thorbardin to the world, and Duncan, who was heartsick at having caused so many deaths and at having l
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