Is this passage structured and worded correctly?

FYI- The undead are the marauders, Szass Tam is the lich, Aoth is the mage, and Nymia and Milsantos are the fovernors. When Aoth and his griffon took Bareris and Mirror to the Thayan encampment, the bard told the battle mage and the two governors about Xingax’s undead manufactory. Aoth, Bareris, Nymia, and Milsantos realized that Szass Tam had secretly commanded the Red Wizards of Necromancy to create the undead horde that had attacked eastern Thay and assist the marauders achieve victories as part of his scheme to become the country’s absolute ruler. Aoth and the others understood that the lich had known that he had to seem a successful and triumphant leader to manipulate the Council of Zulkirs into naming him regent, so he manufactured a threat to the eastern provinces then had a crucial role in combating it. The four also discerned that Szass Tam had magically bound the necromancers and his other minions so that they would immediately die if they attempted to reveal information about his plans.