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Kunsusuki Posted 12 years ago
Vocabulary

Is this passage correct?

I've wrote this passage, and I need your opinions about it. It is well known that elderly people are good in giving advice, but too slow in doing their job. Getting older will not only make humans wise, but also affect their mental and physical abilities. Physical effects can be manifested in the decrease of handgrip strength, mental in remembrance. One the negative effects of aging can be on the daily activities like driving. For that reason some people suggested that elderly people have to re-apply for their driving licences. This created a controversial debate. Concerning this matter, I tottaly resent to the need to reapply driving licences for elderly drivers.
Thank you in advance.
  

Top answer

Most of this reads as if you are in support of tougher controls on driving licences for the elderly. The last sentence rather comes as a surprise. There are other problems too, but overall coherence should come first, I think.

— GPY

  • Most of this reads as if you are in support of tougher controls on driving licences for the elderly.
  • The last sentence rather comes as a surprise.
  • There are other problems too, but overall coherence should come first, I think.
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18 Answers
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Most of this reads as if you are in support of tougher controls on driving licences for the elderly. The last sentence rather comes as a surprise. There are other problems too, but overall coherence should come first, I think.
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GPYMost of this reads as if you are in support of tougher controls on driving licences for the elderly.
Well, I'm required to stick to the topic I'm writing about which is stated in the following:"According to some people, elderly drivers should be required to reapply for their driving licences. How do you feel about it?"
GPYThe last s
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kunsusukiI couldn't get why it has caused you much surprise? I clearly have to indicate which side I am with in this debate.
Most of the statements up until the last seem to be explaining why old people's driving may be impaired, i.e. arguing in favour of these licence restrictions. Yet in the last sentence you say you are against the restriction
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Ah! It's a mistake. I wrote the word resent, but I meant the word assent.
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kunsusukiAh! It's a mistake. I wrote the word resent, but I meant the word assent.
AHA!
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OK, you're right! How about coherence, it seems that I have a problem with it. Emotion: sad
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kunsusukiHow about coherence, it seems that I have a problem with it
My comment about coherence related to the mixed message resulting from the assent/resent slip.
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AH! Emotion: big smile good to hear that. How about the narrowing down of the topic is it appropriate?
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kunsusukiHow about the narrowing down of the topic is it appropriate?
If you fix the slip in the last sentence then the overall flow seems OK to me. However, there are various other issues.
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GPYHowever, there are various other issues.
Such as...
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