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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Is this passage all correct and flow for past tense?

When Tol arrived at the site of the cavalry fight, he found Egrin alive, but gravely injured. Tol ordered healers to immediately take care of his old mentor, while he would lead the army in pursuit of the imperial Riders. However, before this could occur, a magical mist conjured by the emperor’s mages covered the battlefield in order to cover the retreat of the imperial horsemen.
  

Top answer

My two cents: When Tol arrived at the site of the cavalry fight, he found Egrin alive, but gravely injured. Tol ordered [the] healers to immediately take care of his old mentor, while he would lead [while he led] the army in pursuit of the imperial Riders. However [ But ], before this could occur [the whole phrase is not required ], a magical mist conjured by the emperor’s mages covered the battlefield in order to cover the retreat of the imperial horsemen.

— Mr. Tom

  • My two cents: When Tol arrived at the site of the cavalry fight, he found Egrin alive, but gravely injured.
  • Tol ordered [the] healers to immediately take care of his old mentor, while he would lead [while he led] the army in pursuit of the imperial Riders.
  • However [ But ], before this could occur [the whole phrase is not required ], a magical mist conjured by the emperor’s mages covered the battlefield in order to cover the retreat of the imperial horsemen.
  • ] Tom
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1 Answers
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My two cents:

When Tol arrived at the site of the cavalry fight, he found Egrin alive, but gravely injured. Tol ordered [the] healers to immediately take care of his old mentor, while he would lead [while he led] the army in pursuit of the imperial Riders. However [But], before this could occur [the whole phrase is not required], a magical mist conju
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