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Kouroshh Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is this part of my cover letter written correctly (Thank you in advance)

I am passionate to further the frontier of developing the analytical methods to ensure us about the accuracy of data which enable us for better evaluation and characterization of our final product.
  

Top answer

Sorry, but to a native English speaker that sounds ludicrously vague. If you try to do this for an hour, what would you spend your time actually doing? Clive

— Clive

  • Sorry, but to a native English speaker that sounds ludicrously vague.
  • If you try to do this for an hour, what would you spend your time actually doing?
  • Clive
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9 Answers
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Sorry, but to a native English speaker that sounds ludicrously vague. Emotion: big smile

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Thank you for your comment dear Clive. I am going to work with an analytical instrument (chromatography) to quantify and purify an important carbohydrate from wheat bran. In this job my objective is to develop a method to get more accurate data and to purify exactly what we are aiming without any impurity.
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I am going to work with an analytical instrument (chromatography) to quantify and purify an important carbohydrate from wheat bran. In this job my objective is to develop a method to get more accurate data and to eliminate any impurity.

Now this I can understand.

Can you just reword it a bit to say that this
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I greatly appreciate your help. What do you think about using this as a final version:

I am passionate to further the frontier of working with an analytical instrument (chromatography) to quantify and purify an important carbohydrate from wheat bran. Moreover, I would like to develop a method to get more accurate data and to eliminate any impurity.
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It sounds a bit too extreme to me. I suggest perhaps this.

I am passionate about working with an analytical instrument (chromatography) to quantify and purify an important carbohydrate from wheat bran. Moreover, I would like to develop a method to get more accurate data and to eliminate any impurity.
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kouroshhI am passionate to further the frontier of working with an analytical instrument (chromatography) to quantify and purify an important carbohydrate from wheat bran. Moreover, I would like to develop a method to get more accurate data and to eliminate any impurity.
kouroshhI great
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grammarfreakThe words used in the composition of you letter do not work with the meaning at all. I am a little sketical about the use of " Passionate " and "Frontier" in the context I think you tried to get across. The entire passage shounded like a riddle to me. I think it may not get through the first screening as a final
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OMG! It must be " the wrong side of bed" syndrome.
Promise, I'd be more careful next time Emotion: embarrassed
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grammarfreakPromise, I'd be more careful next time
We’d be more inclined to believe you if you’d said, “I’ll be more careful next time”.
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