Is this paragraph worded and structured correctly?
While patrolling the Sunrise Mountains, Aoth Fezim, a proficient battle-mage and a rider of the elite Griffon Legion, and his griffon familiar, Brightwing, discovered that a large force of undead was approaching Thazar Keep. After a brief skirmish with some of the undead creatures, Aoth and Brightwing swiftly made their way to Thazar Keep and warned the fortress’s garrison about the imminent assault. Aoth, Brightwing, and Thazar Keep’s defenders fought valiantly against the undead army, which was led by a nighthaunt and an angel of decay, but they were soon overwhelmed. Aoth and Brightwing were the only survivors of the attack and quickly journeyed to notify Nymia Focar, the tharchion of Pyarados, about the fall of Thazar Keep.
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— Philip
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