Is this okay?

Question

Hello. Is this okay?       Bathed in sunlight as she's walking the dog, Jennifer strides through the lively neighborhood.Thanks

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It is correct English.

Vsuresh · Answer

The construction appears clumsy.

You can consider this:

Bathed in sunlight, Jennifer, walking her dog, is striding through the lively neighborhood.

Anonymous · Answer

The first phrase is a bit absurd. For one thing, you can't have a bath while walking. That is not what you meant, of course, but the image pops up through poor choice of words. Also, the juxtaposition of the two phrases "Bathed …" and "walking …" suggests some semantic link between them, and the reader is slightly puzzled not to find one.

Again, the semantic link between the introductory

Again, the semantic link between the introductory phrase and the main clause is non-existent. Also, she's supposed to be walking the dog, so for her to stride, the dog would have to alter his gait from a mere walk, I'd guess. Her striding sort of leaves the dog out of the picture. In addition, nothing is made lively by being labelled that. A good self-editing rule for writers is to go back and delete every adjective and adverb you find and replace them with nouns and verbs.

The cure for all that is to write more words. Take each part of your sentence and make a paragraph out of it. For example, "bathed in sunlight": As she exited the cool dark of her brownstone with Fido, sunlight washed over her, and she stopped and closed her eyes, remembering that day in Tanganyika with Kevin when he vowed to …."

Anonymous · Answer

Thanks. Okay. Same construction, new sentence. Does this appear clumsy as well or is it okay?

Blinded by sunlight as she's crossing the field, Jennifer makes her way through 5-foot tall corn stalks.

Is this okay?

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