Is this OK and punctuated as you would have?
1: Diane turns back to her husband to yell at him again, when she notices that their daughter is gone.
2: Diane turns back to her husband, about to yell at him again, when she notices that their daughter is gone.
3: Diane turns back to her husband and is about to yell at him again, when she notices that their daughter is gone.
- Are the three versions equally good? Are they punctuated as you would have?
- Is "is gone" correct?
Top answer
anonymous - Are the three versions equally good? Yes, as far as the English goes. The third one is a bit wordy.
- anonymous - Are the three versions equally good?
- Yes, as far as the English goes.
- The third one is a bit wordy.
- anonymous Are they punctuated as you would have?
- I would have to be talked into leaving the commas in 1 and 3 because they make "when" look like a coordinating conjunction, but in fiction you can put a comma there if you think it helps.
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anonymous- Are the three versions equally good?
Yes, as far as the English goes. The third one is a bit wordy.
anonymousAre they punctuated as you would have?
I would have to be talked into leaving the commas in 1 and 3 because they make "when" look like a coordinating conjunction, but in fiction you can put a comm
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