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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Is this completely correct?

Is this completely correct? FYI- Malystryx is the red dragon. Mirror and Razor journeyed to the city of Sanction, which had recently been conquered by the forces of the One God, and formed a plan to destroy the dragon skull totem that Mina had amassed for Takhisis. However, before they implemented their plan, Razor decided to serve as the mount for the minotaur Galdar, and together they went into battle against Malystryx alongside Mina. While Razor was killed fighting the mighty red dragon, Mirror used his magic to destroy the skull totem with the aid of the spirit of the mage Palin Majere.
  

Top answer

Mirror and Razor journeyed to the city of Sanction, which had recently been conquered by the forces of the One ***, and devised a plan to destroy the dragon skull totem that Mina had amassed for Takhisis. However, Razor first decided to serve as the mount for the minotaur Galdar, and together they went into battle against Malystryx alongside Mina . Razor was killed fighting the mighty red dragon , but Mirror used his magic to destroy the skull totem with the aid of the spirit of the mage Palin Majere.

— Mister Micawber

  • Mirror and Razor journeyed to the city of Sanction, which had recently been conquered by the forces of the One ***, and devised a plan to destroy the dragon skull totem that Mina had amassed for Takhisis.
  • However, Razor first decided to serve as the mount for the minotaur Galdar, and together they went into battle against Malystryx alongside Mina .
  • Razor was killed fighting the mighty red dragon , but Mirror used his magic to destroy the skull totem with the aid of the spirit of the mage Palin Majere.
  • I don't understand how a 'totem' can be 'amassed'.
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5 Answers
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Mirror and Razor journeyed to the city of Sanction, which had recently been conquered by the forces of the One ***, and devised a plan to destroy the dragon skull totem that Mina had amassed for Takhisis. However, Razor first decided to serve as the mount for the minotaur Galdar, and together they went into battle against Malystryx alongside Mina. Razor was killed fighting
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Thanks a ton for all your help. Would this option work for the last sentence? Razor was killed fighting the mighty red dragon, but while that battle was occurring, Mirror used his magic to destroy the skull totem with the aid of the spirit of the mage Palin Majere.
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And instead of using the word "amassed" should I say, "the dragon skull totem that Mina had built for Takhisis."? Thanks again.
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cboutin3Would this option work for the last sentence? Razor was killed fighting the mighty red dragon, but while that battle was occurring, Mirror used his magic to destroy the skull totem with the aid of the spirit of the mage Palin Majere.
You don't need that middle clause.
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cboutin3 instead of using the word "amassed" should I say, "the dragon skull totem that Mina had built for Takhisis."?
That makes more sense—or 'constructed'.
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