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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Is this all worded correctly?

Over the next few weeks of the siege, the chromatic dragons continually pushed the defenders deeper into the monastery, but the wyrms could not completely defeat them, and Kara was able to ultimately discover the hidden lore within the library. One of the secrets that was concealed in the ancient books was an enchantment that quelled the frenzy inside of dragons, which was able to serve as a temporary defense against the Rage. With the enchantment only a fraction of the knowledge about the Rage that was contained within the library, Kara and Dorn realized that they would need to break the siege soon or all of the ancient lore would be destroyed by the chromatic dragons.
  

Top answer

Over the next few weeks, the chromatic dragons' seige pushed the defenders deeper into the monastery, but the wyrms could not defeat them, and Kara ultimately discovered the hidden lore within the library. One of the secrets concealed in the ancient books was an enchantment to quell the frenzy of dragons, and this served as a temporary defense against the Rage. The e nchantment was only a fraction of the knowledge about the Rage in the library, and Kara and Dorn realized that they would need to break the siege soon lest all of this ancient lore be destroyed by the chromatic dragons.

— Mister Micawber

  • Over the next few weeks, the chromatic dragons' seige pushed the defenders deeper into the monastery, but the wyrms could not defeat them, and Kara ultimately discovered the hidden lore within the library.
  • One of the secrets concealed in the ancient books was an enchantment to quell the frenzy of dragons, and this served as a temporary defense against the Rage.
  • The e nchantment was only a fraction of the knowledge about the Rage in the library, and Kara and Dorn realized that they would need to break the siege soon lest all of this ancient lore be destroyed by the chromatic dragons.
  • You use far too many adjectives: good writing is in the right choice of nouns and verbs, not patching up your meaning with adjectives.
  • Also, you have still not learned to contract finite clauses.
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1 Answers
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Over the next few weeks, the chromatic dragons' seige pushed the defenders deeper into the monastery, but the wyrms could not defeat them, and Kara ultimately discovered the hidden lore within the library. One of the secrets concealed in the ancient books was an enchantment to quell the frenzy of dragons, and this served as a temporary def
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