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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Is this all properly worded?

Soon thereafter, during one of Tol’s hunting trips, he received a magical vision from Valaran, begging for him to return to her. A second vision then showed Juramona being sacked by the nomads in the near future and Ackal V laughing at the slaughter of the Ergothians. After receiving these two visions, Tol decided that it was time to end his exile and return to Juramona in the hope that he could prevent the town’s destruction.
  

Top answer

Soon thereafter, during a hunting trip, Tol received a vision from Valaran begging him to return. A second vision showed Juramona sacked by nomads in the near future and Ackal V laughing at the slaughter of the Ergothians. Tol decided to end his exile and return to Juramona to prevent the town’s destruction.

— Mister Micawber

  • Soon thereafter, during a hunting trip, Tol received a vision from Valaran begging him to return.
  • A second vision showed Juramona sacked by nomads in the near future and Ackal V laughing at the slaughter of the Ergothians.
  • Tol decided to end his exile and return to Juramona to prevent the town’s destruction.
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3 Answers
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Soon thereafter, during a hunting trip, Tol received a vision from Valaran begging him to return. A second vision showed Juramona sacked by nomads in the near future and Ackal V laughing at the slaughter of the Ergothians. Tol decided to end his exile and return to Juramona to prevent the town’s destruction.
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Thanks for your advice. Would this revision work for the last sentence? The visions (made Tol decide/ caused Tol to decide) to end his exile and return to Juramona to prevent the town's destruction.
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The visions ended Tol's exile: he returned to Juramona to prevent the town's destruction.
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