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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Is this all correctly worded?

Tol agreed to Egrin’s offer as long as his father would also give his permission. The next day, Tol and Egrin, along with Felryn, a healer of Mishas, began the journey to Tol’s home in the hill country of the Eastern Hundred. Three days travel from Juramona, the companions discovered a large battlefield covered with the bodies of over four hundred Pakin soldiers. Egrin determined that the Pakins were defeated by troops from Daltigoth, the capital city of the empire, and that the imperial warriors’ superior skills and tactics had allowed them to easily slaughter the local Pakin levies. While Tol and Egrin continued on the journey to the farm, Felryn decided to return to Juramona to inform Odovar of the Pakins’ defeat.
  

Top answer

Tol agreed to Egrin’s offer if his father would also give his permission. The next day, Tol and Egrin, along with Felryn, a healer of Mishas, began the journey to Tol’s home in the hill country of the Eastern Hundred. Three days from Juramona, the companions discovered a wide battlefield strewn with the corpses of over four hundred Pakin soldiers.

— Mister Micawber

  • Tol agreed to Egrin’s offer if his father would also give his permission.
  • The next day, Tol and Egrin, along with Felryn, a healer of Mishas, began the journey to Tol’s home in the hill country of the Eastern Hundred.
  • Three days from Juramona, the companions discovered a wide battlefield strewn with the corpses of over four hundred Pakin soldiers.
  • Egrin determined that the Pakins were defeated by troops from Daltigoth, the empire's capital city, and that the imperial warriors’ superiority had allowed them to easily slaughter the local Pakin levies.
  • While Tol and Egrin continued on their journey, Felryn returned to Juramona to inform Odovar of the Pakins’ defeat.
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1 Answers
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Tol agreed to Egrin’s offer if his father would also give his permission. The next day, Tol and Egrin, along with Felryn, a healer of Mishas, began the journey to Tol’s home in the hill country of the Eastern Hundred. Three days from Juramona, the companions discovered a wide battlefield strewn with the corpses of over four hundred Pakin soldiers. Egrin determined that the Pakins were defeated
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