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Cboutin3 Posted 13 years ago
Grammar
Is this all correctly worded?
FYI- Mina is the young woman. Soon afterward, Chemosh and Mina journeyed beneath the Blood Sea of Istar in search of the Tower of High Sorcery, but the young woman apparently drowned. While Chemosh was deceived by an illusion into thinking that Mina was dead, she was actually imprisoned within the Tower by the wizard servants of the dark god Nuitari. Eventually freed from her imprisonment, Mina left the main part of the Tower and convinced the sea dragon Midori that she was a friend of Nuitari’s. Mina was then able to enter the Solio Febalas (the Hall of Sacrilege), a secret vault within the Tower that contained powerful holy artifacts, where she found herself trapped.
Top answer
" Put "Mina" in place of "young woman". "Young woman" is pedestrian, gratuitous and confusing. "But" is puzzling.
- " Put "Mina" in place of "young woman".
- "Young woman" is pedestrian, gratuitous and confusing.
- "But" is puzzling.
- It implies that her drowning was somewhat surprising seeing that they were under the sea.
- Use "and".
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3 Answers
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"Soon afterward, Chemosh and Mina journeyed beneath the Blood Sea of Istar in search of the Tower of High Sorcery, but the young woman apparently drowned."
Put "Mina" in place of "young woman". "Young woman" is pedestrian, gratuitous and confusing. "But" is puzzling. It implies that her drowning was somewhat surprising seeing that they were under the sea. Use "and".
Put "Mina" in place of "young woman". "Young woman" is pedestrian, gratuitous and confusing. "But" is puzzling. It implies that her drowning was somewhat surprising seeing that they were under the sea. Use "and".
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