Is there any idiomatic errors on my essay?

The dark handwriting is the correction I try to make by myself. I don't know if it is correct.

HI, My name is Bing. Here is my second essay which i am going to hand it in to my professor. I try to do my best to find all possible mistakes on my essay personally before i post it on EnglishForward. I hope someone can point out the grammatical and idiomatic errors on my essay. Thank you.

Here is my assignment's description:

pick any of the poem we read in the class. Point to a theme you think is highlighted in the poem. Describe the theme in your introductory paragraph, go on describing this ideas or issues using your experience or your observation about your life or the fact in the book, film you saw recently. (No need to explain or analyze the poem)

So the theme I choose is materialism based on "The world is too much with us" by William Wordsworth.

Here is my essay:

Materialism In My Eyes

Admittedly, that people should never be satisfied with what they have and should always strive for something new and different seems to be a propensity inherent in human nature. However, the insatiable desire for material and wealth already made people lose their introspection and their rational mind. The idea of materialism spread out among people along with the development of The Industrial Revolution. When materialism occupies too much from the inner core of human, people will lose their ability to cherish what they own and the ability to appreciate the beauty of nature. They, to some extent, turn out to be more selfish and immoral in order to chase for profits for their own sake. A poet called William Wordsworth witnessed the problem derived from The Industrial Revolution so that he recorded it and expressed his anger toward materialism through his poem, The World Is Too Much with Us. Even though it has been a few centuries already, people’s nature that is inclined to gain more for their greed did not really change in the ideal way we wish. The fact that our modern society is dominated by materialism is still with us today. The theme of the poem reminds me of how people around me change their attitude and mind toward money because of the desire for material and wealth during my childhood.

Materialism makes us lose the ability to appreciate the beauty of nature. I used to live in a tranquil village which was consisted of many individual farmlands when I was young. I would beg my grandma to bring me to our farmland when our village was surrounded by copious green plants and the blue sky was full of puffy clouds. I was pleased to play with the little fishes on the stream and enjoy the soft wind caressing my skin. I never felt alone on the farmland because I could always find the beauty and charm of nature in my own way. On the way to the farmland, we needed to pass through a path where there were two ponds next to it. I always saw some people sitting on the edge of the ponds and fishing through the metal fence; they also talk to one another with grins from time to time. One day, I knew those joyful sceneries were gradually fading away from me when I witnessed a bunch of adults with some bulldozers coming into our village. Those joyful sceneries were suddenly gone without any hesitation. I asked my mom why those people ruined our farmlands. She responded to me with elation and told me that those people were helping us to rebuild our village and making it more beautiful. A few years later, our tranquil village was completely gone and turned into a concrete jungle. People from our community seemed to enjoy their new life under the shadow of magnificent modern buildings. Finally, I had found out that the majority of people form our community voted to agree to reconstruct our village a few years ago because it could bring direct benefits to the community and improve our standard of living. The village is still there, but it is not the one I used to live any more, surrounded by people’s smile, blue sky and invisible harmony. Now we are satisfied with the material and wealth we possess at the expense of nature. Materialism makes us lose our ability to cherish the beauty of nature. In fact, what we lose by constructing the village is more than the farmland itself but people’s purity and peace of mind derived from nature. Even though the polluted cities, rivers and air can be recovered by our efforts, the polluted minds of people cannot easily recover to the ones we used to have.

Materialism also makes us become more selfish and immoral. The influence of materialism can be seen in our education system because the purpose of education is changing. Our country implemented nine-year compulsory education after I was born. So I was glad to have opportunity to study and learn something new in primary school. In school, the knowledge we needed to learn was far more than Chinese Literature, Math and English; we also needed to learn so-called sociology, which refers to some basic social norms and the basic morality that students should have. Thus, even though I was too young to completely fulfill those disciplines, I already had a concept to differentiate what was right and wrong and what was the right thing I should do. When I was a little boy, my teachers always told me that study was a way to acquire knowledge so that we can convert our knowledge into power to empower the other people and to devote ourselves to our country. Once, our sociology teacher questioned us by asking, “What is your dream?” I was deeply proud of myself when I said I dreamed of being a doctor and I wanted to help people out. Even though it has been a decade already, the words I said still echoed in my mind. However, after I entered junior high school, education was not a tool for us to make contributions for people but a tool to make more money or be a social climber in my eyes. Students like me often needed to deal with countless homework assignments and tests because we had to get ready for the future college entrance examination. Under such stress, a lot of students always crammed for the exams or cheated on the exam. Students suddenly became a study machine to chase for their certificates without thinking and learning. Competition among students made them turn into the selfish creatures; they were not willing to share their study experience among one other. Education suddenly becomes a tool to gain wealth rather than a tool to empower people. Those who used to be the dream chasers become wealth chasers under the influence of materialism.

Overall, we should know that wealth is only a part of our life.

Undoubtedly, wealth can be interpreted as a kind of reward for our efforts. But happiness is not a tangible thing we can use our wealth or money to purchase. In fact, a simple scenery from nature can be a source of happiness. A simple concern from our friends or family can be a source of power for us to get over any difficulties. All the selfishness and immorality will be gone if we can use our minds to care about people and to share what we have with people.