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Anonymous Posted 6 years ago
Grammar

Is there a way...

Jack walks down a long, deserted hallway. A female coworker comes out of an office, gives him a smile as they pass. Jack enters an office at the end of the hall.


Is there a way that I can connect the last sentence with the sentence before it so it sounds better?

  

Top answer

The whole given passage in fact doesn't sound quite right. For example, the phrase "long, deserted hallway" is unusual in an office context; this would be more appropriate in a horror story. The passage might be better, for example, as: As Jack walked down the hallway, Pam came out of an office and gave him a smile in passing.

  • The whole given passage in fact doesn't sound quite right.
  • For example, the phrase "long, deserted hallway" is unusual in an office context; this would be more appropriate in a horror story.
  • The passage might be better, for example, as: As Jack walked down the hallway, Pam came out of an office and gave him a smile in passing.
  • Jack wanted to engage her in conversation but the words failed him.
  • For a few seconds he considered catching up with her to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
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1 Answers
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The whole given passage in fact doesn't sound quite right. For example, the phrase "long, deserted hallway" is unusual in an office context; this would be more appropriate in a horror story. The passage might be better, for example, as:


As Jack walked down the hallway, Pam came out of an office and gave him a smile in passing. Jack wanted to engage her in conversation but the w

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