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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

Is there a better way to word this sentence?

I want to convey the shifting of t-shirt fabric but I can't seem to find a good way of stating it?

The letters spelling “Vineyard” across the top of her back shifts when she throws the baseball.
  

Top answer

This is what I call a written derail. Your syntax runs your reader off the tracks of your sentence. First of all, what's shifting is letters, plural, but you've got a singular verb, so your reader will read The letters spelling “Vineyard” across the top of her back shifts when she throws the baseball.

  • This is what I call a written derail.
  • Your syntax runs your reader off the tracks of your sentence.
  • First of all, what's shifting is letters, plural, but you've got a singular verb, so your reader will read The letters spelling “Vineyard” across the top of her back shifts when she throws the baseball.
  • " Your reader will wonder why some poor girl has thrown her back out before they get to the baseball.
  • Unfortunately using the right number doesn't help much because "back shift" has lots of meanings in different contexts like labor scheduling, automotive design, couture, grammar, and so on.
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1 Answers
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This is what I call a written derail. Your syntax runs your reader off the tracks of your sentence. First of all, what's shifting is letters, plural, but you've got a singular verb, so your reader will read

The letters spelling “Vineyard” across the top of her back shifts when she throws the baseball.

"Back" is singular and goes with

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