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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is there a better way of wording this sentence so there is not 2 "between's"?

Entering the Portal while the others watched, Caramon traversed the vast distance between him and the battle between Raistlin and Takhisis.
  

Top answer

I simply don't understand this sentence, but I'll try a suggestion. While others watched, Caramon entered the Portal and then crossed the vast distance to the battle between Raistlin and Takhisis. What do you think?

— Philip

  • I simply don't understand this sentence, but I'll try a suggestion.
  • While others watched, Caramon entered the Portal and then crossed the vast distance to the battle between Raistlin and Takhisis.
  • What do you think?
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5 Answers
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I simply don't understand this sentence, but I'll try a suggestion.
While others watched, Caramon entered the Portal and then crossed the vast distance to the battle between Raistlin and Takhisis.
What do you think?
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Is there a better way of wording this sentence?
The OP used word as a verb; is this correct? Can I say to word a sentence instead of to construct a sentence?
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Yes, it's correct. It is probably more common in places like English Forums than in the general population.
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Thanks a lot for your help. Would this revision be good? Entering the Portal while the others watched, Caramon began to traverse the vast distance to the battle between Raistlin and Takhisis, and encountered the broken body of Crysania where his brother had left her to die.
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That's fine. As a point of grammar, the comma after Takhisis isn't necessary because there's not a change of subject before the next verb. I think the comma makes for easier reading, however.
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