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Anonymous Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Is the use of English in this paragraph coherent?
This tenable account in which I expound emotions and feelings conducive to my recognition in London offers insight into an emotional aggregate in which anxiety is the nexus and catalyst of my actions hitherto and on arrival in London. The account describes how the development of said emotional aggregate is a result of my responses to social stimuli, and then explains the growth of such an aggregate insofar that all actions are dictated by the aggregate itself; meaning, strata of irrationality is added into my decision making here onwards.
Top answer
It reads as if it is deliberately designed to be as difficult and uninviting to read as possible, or like the output of a random-jargon-generating computer program. )
- It reads as if it is deliberately designed to be as difficult and uninviting to read as possible, or like the output of a random-jargon-generating computer program.
- )
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6 Answers
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It reads as if it is deliberately designed to be as difficult and uninviting to read as possible, or like the output of a random-jargon-generating computer program.
(No offence intended if you wrote it yourself.)
(No offence intended if you wrote it yourself.)
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Thank you.
Yes I did write it myself. How would you choose to write it?
Yes I did write it myself. How would you choose to write it?
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I would try to make it simpler -- try to express the same ideas in a way that is easier for the reader to understand and engage with.
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Well I have to write it for an intelligent audience so my teacher said I should use 'big words' and such. If I try to simplify it then it will be understandable by all, which is not the purpose of the task.
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If your teacher thinks that it's desirable to write in that kind of style -- for any audience -- then I'm afraid I must respectfully disagree with him or her.
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It doesn't read like a passage carefully crafted for the enjoyment of intelligent, educated readers. It reads like a parody of pretentious, jargon-laden writing produced by replacing the original words with approximate synonyms from the thesaurus. I would be hard put to say exactly what it means, and it appears that you aren't sure how to use all the words in there correctly.
The aim of writi
The aim of writi
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