Is the use of "during which" correct in this case?

Question

The group fought their way to the Tower, during which Forlo was killed, and finally confronted Maladar.

CalifJim · Accepted Answer

cboutin3 The group fought their way to the Tower, during which Forlo was killed, and finally confronted Maladar.

Not even the commas can prevent the reader from seeing Forlo was killed and (then) confronted Maladar, which makes no sense and forces the reader to backtrack to try to decipher the meaning.

This needs a rewrite. You can probably do better than this, but you need something like:

The group fought their way to the Tower, killing Forlo (during the battle), and finally confronted Maladar.

CJ

Cboutin3 · Answer

Thanks, I didn't think it was correct. How about this revision: The group fought their way to the Tower, though Forlo was killed during the skirmish, and finally confronted Maladar.

CalifJim · Answer

cboutin3Thanks, I didn't think it was correct. How about this revision: The group fought their way to the Tower, though Forlo was killed during the skirmish, and finally confronted Maladar.

Nope. The point is that you've got to get "Forlo" away from being the subject of any clause or the reader will connect "Forlo" with "confronted", and Forlo couldn't confront anybody once he was dead!

Alternately, add the subject again later: ..., and the group finally confronted .... That would suppress the false idea that "Forlo" might be the subject of "confronted". This alternate suggestion is a bit clumsy, though.

Also possible:

The group fought their way to the Tower to confront Maladar, though Forlo was killed during the skirmish.

CJ

Is the use of "during which" correct in this case?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions