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FlagofFreedom Posted 20 years ago
Grammar
Is the sentence okay?
If not, edit it please:
From the moment of the release of the message of his "retirement," the always-mighty Mr Tang kept immersed in the sadness.
From the moment of the release of the message of his "retirement," the always-mighty Mr Tang kept immersed in the sadness.
Top answer
From the moment of the release of the message of his "retirement," the always-mighty Mr Tang kept immersed in the sadness. The correct version is as follows: Since the the message of his retirement was released, the always-mighty Mr Tang has kept immersed in sadness. Yoong Liat
- From the moment of the release of the message of his "retirement," the always-mighty Mr Tang kept immersed in the sadness.
- The correct version is as follows: Since the the message of his retirement was released, the always-mighty Mr Tang has kept immersed in sadness.
- Yoong Liat
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8 Answers
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From the moment of the release of the message of his "retirement," the always-mighty Mr Tang kept immersed in the sadness.
The correct version is as follows:
Since the the message of his retirement was released, the always-mighty Mr Tang has kept immersed in sadness.
Yoong Liat
The correct version is as follows:
Since the the message of his retirement was released, the always-mighty Mr Tang has kept immersed in sadness.
Yoong Liat
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I'm no seasoned editor, but I suggest revising to remove the three consecutive prepositional of's. How about, Ever since the release of his "retirement" message... Or perhaps, From the moment his "retirement" message was released... In my opinion, the first one flows more easily.
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had been seems clearer to me than kept if you want to stress the ongoing nature of his sadness. Also, the the before sadness seems unnecessary. If I, amateur editor and grammarian, was to revise the sentence, it would be
Ever since the release of his "retirement" message, the always-mighty Mr Tang had been immersed in sadness.
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? <If I, amateur editor and grammarian, was to revise the sentence, it would be...>
"If I, amateur editor and grammarian, were to revise the sentence, it would be..."
"If I, amateur editor and grammarian, were to revise the sentence, it would be..."
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Oh, hang on. I said I edited it as soon as I saw it, but I changed it from 'were' to 'was'. Should I have left it as 'were'? 
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