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Rommel Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
Is the given complex sentence grammatically okay?
Is the following complex sentence grammatically okay? If it’s not fine, what revision can I make for it to be comprehensible?
When she got home, she walked straight to her room, took off her jacket, jumped onto the bed, laid her back flat on the soft mattress, and stared at the plain white ceiling that seemed to be a television showing all of their past: the first day they met when she spilled her hot coffee over his shirt, but she apologized and bought him a new shirt until they became friends, and he courted her; the day a year before when he, down on his bended knee with a red box on his hand, proposed to her at the beach.
When she got home, she walked straight to her room, took off her jacket, jumped onto the bed, laid her back flat on the soft mattress, and stared at the plain white ceiling that seemed to be a television showing all of their past: the first day they met when she spilled her hot coffee over his shirt, but she apologized and bought him a new shirt until they became friends, and he courted her; the day a year before when he, down on his bended knee with a red box on his hand, proposed to her at the beach.
Top answer
Should I simply rewrite the sentence as follows? When she got home, she walked straight to her room, took off her jacket, jumped into her bed and lay in it , and stared at the plain white ceiling that seemed to be a television showing all of their past: the first day they met when she spilled her hot coffee over his shirt, afterwhich she apologized and bought him a new shirt until they became friends, and he courted her; and the day a year before when he, down on his bended knee with a red box on his hand, proposed to her at the beach.
- Should I simply rewrite the sentence as follows?
- When she got home, she walked straight to her room, took off her jacket, jumped into her bed and lay in it , and stared at the plain white ceiling that seemed to be a television showing all of their past: the first day they met when she spilled her hot coffee over his shirt, afterwhich she apologized and bought him a new shirt until they became friends, and he courted her; and the day a year before when he, down on his bended knee with a red box on his hand, proposed to her at the beach.
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2 Answers
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Should I simply rewrite the sentence as follows? When she got home, she walked straight to her room, took off her jacket, jumped into her bed and lay in it, and stared at the plain white ceiling that seemed to be a television showing all of their past: the first day they met when she spilled her hot coffee over his shirt, afterwhich she apologized and bought him a new shirt
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