Is the following paragraph understandable/makes sense?
"Greed isn't only a moral defect but an intellectual error, The size and number of things you own don't matter, what matters is that you appreciate the meaning and value of these things.You can actually see the world through little and few things, you can see the world through whatever interests you and gets you curious, through your own experiences. Moreover, you should realize that experience is the guarantee you think in terms of reality, And you shall remember that experience is a relative and subjective thing, If you can't see the world through who you are and where you have been, irrespective of any possible limitations found in the latter, then there is no meaning or importance to what you see through other things or other persons. Ultimately, embracing yourself is necessary for seeking and finding out the truth, the most of what can be found out of it."
Top answer
Elia Gomez Elia Gomez wrote: Is the following paragraph understandable/makes sense? Yes, it is, but it could be better written.
- Elia Gomez Elia Gomez wrote: Is the following paragraph understandable/makes sense?
- Yes, it is, but it could be better written.
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Elia GomezElia Gomez wrote: Is the following paragraph understandable/makes sense?
Yes, it is, but it could be better written.
0How could it be written better?
Could you please give me an example? or tell me what is it I have to improve? (Punctuation, expressions, etc) ?
Thanks alot
0Primarily, it needs to be reduced. It also has other problems, like vocabulary choice.
Greed is both a moral failure and an intellectual defect. It is not how much you own but whether you appreciate its value: you can experience the world with very few possessions, through whatever interests you. Experience is the guarantee of your own reality; it is relative and subjective. If y
0Well, thank you so much for this, it's very helpful.
Mister Micawber it still suffers from a lack of focus and needs reorganization.
Actually, I think the way you put it expresses what I wanted to say so eloquently. I also find the ideas very connected.
But maybe the last idea comes across a little irrelevant? (For me I thought of it as a conclus
0The main problem I see is that the imputed focus of the first sentence is a far cry from that of the concluding sentence. It starts out being about greed but ends on the topic of personal experience. The stretch is too great.
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