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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Is the first part of this sentence the best way to phrase it?
When a force of dragons and knights assembled to journey to the Abyss and confront Chaos in a final battle to save Krynn, Flare was reunited with her beloved rider.
Top answer
Nothing grammatically wrong, but I think the opening clause is much too long to make immediate sense. I would break it up. For example, you could say: Only when the dragons and knights assembled for the final battle was Flare reunited with her beloved rider.
- Nothing grammatically wrong, but I think the opening clause is much too long to make immediate sense.
- I would break it up.
- For example, you could say: Only when the dragons and knights assembled for the final battle was Flare reunited with her beloved rider.
- It would be a long journey to the Abyss to challenge Chaos who now threatened Krynn.
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1 Answers
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Nothing grammatically wrong, but I think the opening clause is much too long to make immediate sense. I would break it up. For example, you could say:
Only when the dragons and knights assembled for the final battle was Flare reunited with her beloved rider. It would be a long journey to the Abyss to challenge Chaos who now threatened Krynn.
Only when the dragons and knights assembled for the final battle was Flare reunited with her beloved rider. It would be a long journey to the Abyss to challenge Chaos who now threatened Krynn.
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