is that written by a native speaker?

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Hi,I wonder if the following "angry" remark is perfect English (grammar-wise and style-wise):Without proper equipment and knowledge any technical issue can turn political and lobbyists, politicians, bloggers and editors will take over and stars of generals and titles of people will eclipse the scientific facts.Thank you!mus-te

MalRey · Accepted Answer

MUSCOVITEI wonder if the following "angry" remark is perfect English

No.

CalifJim · Answer

MUSCOVITEWithout proper equipment and knowledge any technical issue can turn political, and lobbyists, politicians, bloggers, and editors will take over, and stars of generals and titles of people will eclipse the scientific facts.

I don't understand what concept you are trying to convey by writing 'equipment'. Your statement might be stronger if you omitted it. "Without proper knowledge any ...". Some editors would also recommend a comma after 'knowledge'.

The figure of speech 'stars of generals' is just barely understandable; 'titles of people' is obscure. I would begin by changing these to "generals' stars and people's titles". Then I would change "people's". It's too weak and generic a word. You need something that is at least as specific as "generals'" or your rhetorical crescendo will be spoiled. You might even reverse the order.

"and officials' titles and generals' stars will ..."

Another problem is the overuse of 'and'. Consider breaking the sentence into three sentences.

CJ

MUSCOVITE · Answer

Thanks, CalifJim! Very interesting comments. Nice food for thought.

is that written by a native speaker?

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