Is my writing ok?

Question

Dear all,,I had contacted the "Teachers Association" (TA) enquiring sponsorship for the Commerce International Student Conference. I am seeking your ideas and Suggestions in regards to what kind of promotional materials we are requesting from the sponsorship?I was thinking of the following:1- Sponsor all the catering.2- Provide Attendee packs, notebook or heavy-duty binder as a gift for the Attendees.3- Memorial gifts such as (Calendar Magnets for 2011 with university and faculty's name, book marks with the faculty's vision and values Written on them).PS - I have received an email from the Administration Assistant at the TA attaching the link for us to provide our information via an application which is available on their website.Thank you guys for your help in advance

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Hello Joe-- and welcome to English Forums. I have underlined some problem areas. Please try to fix them, and post your revision here.

Dear all,,

I had contacted the "Teachers Association" (TA) enquiring sponsorship for the Commerce International Student Conference. I am seeking your ideas and Suggestions in regards to what kind of promotional materials we are requesting from the sponsorship?

I was thinking of the following:
1- Sponsor all the catering.
2- Provide Attendee packs, notebook or heavy-duty binder as a gift for the Attendees.
3- Memorial gifts such as (Calendar Magnets for 2011 with university and faculty's name, book marks with the faculty's vision and values Written on them).

PS - I have received an email from the Administration Assistant at the TA attaching the link for us to provide our information via an application which is available on their website.

Use in regard to, with regard to or as regards. Better still, avoid altogether a phrase that smacks of business-ese and jargon.

Joe2011 · Answer

Dear Mister Micawber,
Thank you for your immediate response, I do really appreciate it. I tried to fix problem areas that you underlined, would please talk another look to my revision.
Thank you and best regards,

Dear all,

I have contacted the "Teachers Association" (TA) enquiring about a sponsorship for the Commerce International Student Conference. I am seeking your ideas and suggestions in regard to what kind of promotional materials we are requesting from the sponsorship.

I was thinking of the following:
1- Sponsor all the catering.
2- Provide attendee packs, Notebook and a heavy-duty binder as a gift for the attendees.
3- Memorial gifts such as (magnets calendar for 2011 with the university and faculty's name, book marks with the faculty's vision and values written on them).

ps- I have received an email from the Administrative Assistant at the TA attaching the link for us to provide our information via an application which is available on their website.

Mister Micawber · Answer

Dear all,

I have contacted the Teachers' Association, enquiring about a sponsorship for the Commerce International Student Conference. I am seeking your ideas and suggestions in regard to what kind of promotional materials we are requesting from the sponsorship.

I was thinking of the following:

1- Sponsor all the catering.
2- Provide attendee packs, notebooks and a heavy-duty binders as gifts for the attendees.
3- Memorial gifts such as calendar magnets for 2011 with the university and faculty's name, book marks with the faculty's vision and values written on them.

PS: I have received an email from the Administrative Assistant at the TA attaching a link for us to provide our information via an application which is available on their website.

Is my writing ok?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions