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Anonymous Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Is my sentence correct and sound good?

Does this sentence sound completely correct, and Btws Huma is the young knight,? While Huma departed with the wizard Magius to continue his secret journey in search of a mysterious weapon that had been promised by Paladine, Avondale and his soldiers destroyed the sect of Morgion that was based within the ruins during their hunt for the young knight.
  

Top answer

" is not ideal for signalling that the young knight is actually Huma. Of course, if the reader is already familiar with the fact that Huma is a young knight then they will figure it out, but you might want to consider splitting it into two sentences, like this: Huma departed with the wizard Magius to continue his secret journey in search of a mysterious weapon that had been promised by Paladine. As they hunted for the young knight, Avondale and his soldiers destroyed the sect of Morgion that was based within the ruins.

— GPY

  • " is not ideal for signalling that the young knight is actually Huma.
  • Of course, if the reader is already familiar with the fact that Huma is a young knight then they will figure it out, but you might want to consider splitting it into two sentences, like this: Huma departed with the wizard Magius to continue his secret journey in search of a mysterious weapon that had been promised by Paladine.
  • As they hunted for the young knight, Avondale and his soldiers destroyed the sect of Morgion that was based within the ruins.
  • I also find this generally easier to digest.
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1 Answers
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In my opinion, the overall structure with "While..." is not ideal for signalling that the young knight is actually Huma. Of course, if the reader is already familiar with the fact that Huma is a young knight then they will figure it out, but you might want to consider splitting it into two sentences, like this:

Huma departed with the wizard Magius to continue his secret journey in search
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