is my sentence correct?

Hi,

Dear Professor A. E.,
Please find the attached for the final report of my seminar course. I would really appreciate it if you let me know your opinion about that.
Best regards

Your first sentence is business-like, and your second sentence is more personal. They don't fit well together.
There are also

Hi,
I received the following sentence as reply:
late but very good. consider composing short paragraphs. Each paragraph should include at least 3 sentences.


Now, I want to sent the following sentence to him, I would really appreciate it if you say your opinion about it:


Dear Professor,

Thank you for your valuable guidance. I have to have a presen

Hi,
Dear Professor,

Thank you for your valuable guidance. I have to have a presentation for Dr. H. Sunday 9Th September 2012. I would be thankful if you set a time for short meeting before that date because We need your written comment before final presentation.

Sincerely

Dear Professor,

Thank you for your valuable guidance. I h

Thanks Clive:

I changed it:

Dear Professor,

Thank you for your valuable guidance. I have to do a presentation for Dr. H. on Sunday 9Th September. I would be thankful if you could set a time for a short meeting before my presentation (Saturday or Sunday, When and where that is better for you) because I need your written comments before it.

Sincerely

AB