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Mickz Posted 20 years ago
Is it grammatically okay?
Hi, i wrote this poem which many people liked alot but with comments like it could have been better if it was grammatically okay.. What editings would refine this poem?
All incomplete without you.
It's the night without light with no life
It's the dark place where i am and noone is..
it's my love calling out for you and seeking you..
it's the rain trying to please me..
it's the moon trying to shine at me..
the stars trying to give me hope..
but it's me incomplete without you yet having them all
Yes, it's me at the darkest place in the world with no hopes.
Am cold not bold
Dark not bright
i'm shattered not gathered
i want you, need you
to be in bright, to be in light
why now my eyes are torn?
how come we dont talk anymore?
It is finished not vanished
Oh honey i still love you...and always will
Come to me and hug me
Let's love and make the world
All incomplete without you.
It's the night without light with no life
It's the dark place where i am and noone is..
it's my love calling out for you and seeking you..
it's the rain trying to please me..
it's the moon trying to shine at me..
the stars trying to give me hope..
but it's me incomplete without you yet having them all
Yes, it's me at the darkest place in the world with no hopes.
Am cold not bold
Dark not bright
i'm shattered not gathered
i want you, need you
to be in bright, to be in light
why now my eyes are torn?
how come we dont talk anymore?
It is finished not vanished
Oh honey i still love you...and always will
Come to me and hug me
Let's love and make the world
Top answer
corrections: it's the moon trying to shine on me.. to be bright, to be in light.. why are my eyes now torn?
- corrections: it's the moon trying to shine on me..
- to be bright, to be in light..
- why are my eyes now torn?
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6 Answers
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corrections:
it's the moon trying to shine on me..
to be bright, to be in light..
why are my eyes now torn?
it's the moon trying to shine on me..
to be bright, to be in light..
why are my eyes now torn?
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Wonder why wont anyone reply 33 views :\
& Eng_teach_in_germany thanks alot!
& Eng_teach_in_germany thanks alot!
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thanks Philologist Does that sound childish? :\
And hey i have an alternative ending Does that make any better?
--
why are my eyes now torn?
how come we dont talk anymore?
It is finished not vanished
Oh honey i still love you...and always will
Come to me and fill my arms
My world is lonely when you are not with me.
I am waiting and wishing the moment when
And hey i have an alternative ending Does that make any better?
--
why are my eyes now torn?
how come we dont talk anymore?
It is finished not vanished
Oh honey i still love you...and always will
Come to me and fill my arms
My world is lonely when you are not with me.
I am waiting and wishing the moment when
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someone in ur mind when u wrote that poem?It's beautiful...i can feel the loneliness, but seems that the 'honey' prefer to forever say good bye
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Thankyou Beatrix! and yes That was my VERY ambitious ex-gf!
Incase if you care you can read my more pomes at
http://www.creative-poems.com/member.php?id=17195
Incase if you care you can read my more pomes at
http://www.creative-poems.com/member.php?id=17195
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