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Hi! I've written this short story for an illustration I've made. I'm not sure about the grammar though. Please check it once and lemme way if I can improve it in any way. Thanks!

“It's going to be all right, Ed," Ricky said over and over again, more worried by Eddie's silence than he had been by his weakened voice. "We're nearly there ... don't worry... we are going to make it"
"But the forest is so dense and we are walking in circles. I'm scared" said Eddie.
"I am with you.” Ricky said, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing cold weather.
"Look, a house!"

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Ishani GuptaHi! I've written this short story for an illustration I've made. I'm not sure about the grammar though. Please check it once and lemme way if I can improve it in any way. Thanks!

"I've written this short story for an illustration I've made. I'm not sure about the grammar, though. Please check it, and let me know how I can improve it. Thanks!"

Never write "lemme".

Ishani Gupta“It's going to be all right, Ed," Ricky said over and over again, more worried by Eddie's silence than he had been by his weakened voice. "We're nearly there ... don't worry... we are going to make it"

“It's going to be all right, Ed," Ricky said over and over again, more worried by Eddie's silence than he had been by his weakened voice. "We're nearly there ... don't worry ... we are going to make it."

Ishani Gupta"But the forest is so dense and we are walking in circles. I'm scared" said Eddie.

"But the forest is so dense, and we are walking in circles. I'm scared," said Eddie.

It seems unlikely to me that a little kid would say "dense" there.

Ishani Gupta"I am with you.” Ricky said, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing cold weather.

"I am with you,” Ricky said, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing cold weather.

This doesn't make sense to me. For one thing, I thought it was Eddie's voice that was weakened. For another, I am surprised to learn that it is freezing cold. I wish I'd known that before. And it seems to me that the weather would not be the deciding factor for strength of voice.

Ishani Gupta"Look, a house!"

"Look! A house!"

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