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Cboutin3 Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Is it clear that the 'him' refers to Dracos?

FYI- Huma is the knight. Realizing that the Solamnics’ victory was inevitable with the arrival of the dragonlances, Dracos attempted to break Huma’s will by showing the knight a magical vision of him torturing and killing Magius.
  

Top answer

No, Forgive me for mentioning that you have not said 'thank you' for a very long time.

— Clive

  • No, Forgive me for mentioning that you have not said 'thank you' for a very long time.
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7 Answers
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No,

Forgive me for mentioning that you have not said 'thank you' for a very long time.Emotion: crying
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I'm very sorry about that, but thanks a lot for all your help! It's really been great!
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Thanks again, is this revision better, or should I do the second one? FYI- Huma is the knight and Dracos is the renegade mage.
1. Realizing that the Solamnics’ victory was inevitable because of the dragonlances, Dracos attempted to break Huma’s will by using magic to allow the knight to watch as he tortured and killed Magius.

2. Realizing that the Solamnics’ victory was inevitable be
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In my opinion, both require too much concentration on the part of the reader. Do you absolutely have to squeeze all of this into one sentence?

Clive
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Thanks, splitting up the sentences is definitely a good idea. How about this one, and just which word option at the end should I pick? Realizing that the defeat of Takhisis’s armies was inevitable because of the dragonlances, Dracos attempted to break Huma’s will. Dracos used magic to allow Huma and his comrades to watch as he/the renegade mage tortured and killed Magius.
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Better. Just 'he' is fine.
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