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Chowbarry Posted 10 years ago
Letter Writing
Investigation Report
Please help me improve the following investigation report. Thank you.
We would like to report to you that an abnormal case regarding the booking arrangement has taken place at our clubhouse.
Our counter staff received a customer named Mr. Galloway's submission of application form for refund on 12 June 2016 and after checking with the related registration record, our staff surprisingly found that his application for the booking sessions of tennis courts (0800-1000) on 3 June 2016 due to inclement weather was unable to be entertained since there was initial signature shown on the booking sessions reserved by Mr. Galloway. It did represent he had used the booking sessions.
Asked whether he had attended the clubhouse and used the booking sessions, Mr. Galloway insisted that he had never attended the clubhouse on 3 June 2016 nor had he ever used the booking sessions of tennis courts. Mr. Galloway added that he questions the security of our clubhouse, without the installation of CCTV, prompting some unorthodox person to use the booking sessions reserved by him. More importantly, Mr. Galloway threatened to escalate the case to the Director of our clubhouse except his application for refund would be accepted.
Our counter staff was also investigated whether they had accurately proceeded the registration procedure on 3 June 2016 and they all stated in their written statement that they had observed the presence of Mr. Galloway on that day and attentively checked with his member card before letting him enter the tennis courts.
We would like to report to you that an abnormal case regarding the booking arrangement has taken place at our clubhouse.
Our counter staff received a customer named Mr. Galloway's submission of application form for refund on 12 June 2016 and after checking with the related registration record, our staff surprisingly found that his application for the booking sessions of tennis courts (0800-1000) on 3 June 2016 due to inclement weather was unable to be entertained since there was initial signature shown on the booking sessions reserved by Mr. Galloway. It did represent he had used the booking sessions.
Asked whether he had attended the clubhouse and used the booking sessions, Mr. Galloway insisted that he had never attended the clubhouse on 3 June 2016 nor had he ever used the booking sessions of tennis courts. Mr. Galloway added that he questions the security of our clubhouse, without the installation of CCTV, prompting some unorthodox person to use the booking sessions reserved by him. More importantly, Mr. Galloway threatened to escalate the case to the Director of our clubhouse except his application for refund would be accepted.
Our counter staff was also investigated whether they had accurately proceeded the registration procedure on 3 June 2016 and they all stated in their written statement that they had observed the presence of Mr. Galloway on that day and attentively checked with his member card before letting him enter the tennis courts.
Top answer
It's too wordy and unnecessarily formal and complicated. Try rewriting it in clearer and more direct language.
- It's too wordy and unnecessarily formal and complicated.
- Try rewriting it in clearer and more direct language.
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1 Answers
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It's too wordy and unnecessarily formal and complicated. Try rewriting it in clearer and more direct language.
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