Introduction for ielts exam-topic: national expense

Question

Misconception of General public about the miscalculation of government financial allocation is contemplated by the prejudice of overshadowing one important agenda from one another, in stead of treating all aspects equally in general. In case of the immense problems outstretched in variety of umbrellas, spiritual activities such as national events are in inquisition of plain lavishness which is incompatible with its expected effectiveness . therefore, The cautious consideration should be divided in order to maintain the appropriate budget for different kind of necessity

hi teachers and native speakers, i have spent a great deal of time writing those words. i dont know whether it is correct or not. please help me to identify mistakes in my writing.

Clive · Accepted Answer

Frankly, I'm sorry to tell you that this is not good. It makes me think that you are trying to impress the reader by looking for new vocabulary in your dictionary without really understanding its meaning and usage. After I read your paragraph, I have no real understanding of what you are trying to say!

I suggest you try this. Try to write your paragraph again, using the simplest vocabula

I suggest you try this. Try to write your paragraph again, using the simplest vocabulary and sentence structure that you can.Then show us. If it's fine, we can suggest ways to improve it. In English, simplicity and clarity are important in your writing. In an exam, the teacher will be more impressed by your clarity of thought and by your ability to express it simply than by your ability to use fancy vocabulary.

Finally, I note that this is an introduction to an essay. Is your topic really just 'national expense'? Topics are usually longer and more specific. Are you supposed to just write as much as you can about 'national expense'? What does that mean? You should clearly define and introduce your topic. You also need to to end the paragraph with a thesis statement that clearly explains to the reader your overall opinion about the topic.

You can make this better!

Clive

AlpheccaStars · Answer

T? Duhi teachers and native speakers, i have spent a great deal of time writing those words.

That is obvious.

You carefully picked words out of a dictionary that seemed to make a coherent sentence, but the result is a confused mess that no one can possibly understand.

This style of essay writing generally gets a very poor or failing grade because the argument points are lost.

Follow Clive's excellent advice. Only use words that you are confident of. Watch this lesson.

Teechr · Answer

T? DuHi teachers and native speakers, I have spent a great deal of time writing those words. I don't know whether it my text is correct or not. Please help me to identify mistakes in my writing.

Hi Tu Du,

Pay attention to the comments above by Clive and AlpheccaStars.

I understood those couple of lines, but I have no idea what the first paragraph is saying. If you complicate your writing, you will frustrate the examiner and end up getting a very low mark or even a fail! On the other hand, if you write clearly and focus on the ideas, you have a much better chance of getting a good score. If you really want to persuade the reader/examiner, give real-life examples in your body paragraphs.

Introduction for ielts exam-topic: national expense

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