interpretation(for = because of?)

It was assumed, of course, that I was sick. Why else would an active, outgoing, seemingly cheery girl who'd tested at the top of her class, made the squad, gotten her first kiss and had her whole future glittering in Technicolor in front of her just suddenly fade to gray? (Or "gricky" as I came to call the low, leaden cloud that crushed me to the mattress, or the couch or floor, whatever was handy.)

I did not want to be this way: for the excruciating ache and dullness of every second I was conscious, for the shame I felt for letting someone else's petty cruelty chip at my self-worth, for not hitting back, for not being able to just snap out of it through force of will.

And perhaps most of all, for the terror and pain of my parents who had to watch their daughter drowning in front of them, just out of their grasp, unable to pull her to safety.

The above is an excerpt from an article.
I'm not sure how I should interpret many "for" parts starting from the second paragraph. Does it roughly mean because of?