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Vincent Teo Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Incident happened at the canteen

Please help me to correct them.

Last Tuesday morning, when the bell rang, it was recess Emotion: time. Ali was the first pupil who rushed (from the classroom) towards the canteen as fast as lightning. He was very hungry as he did not have his breafast yet.

As he reached the canteen, he did not see a boy looking for an empty seat. Unluckily, he accidentally ran into a boy (who was) holding a bowl of hot noodle soup. They both fell onto / to / on the floor. The boy felt in pain.

His hot soup dropped out of / dropped from his hands to / on the floor. The boy was sad and cried loudly. Many pupils gathered around them (to see what happpened / what had happened). Ali quickly held the boy up and apologized to him. After that, he bought another bowl of soup for him.

When the second bell rang, they all rushed to the class. Ali was really a careless pupuil.
  

Top answer

I have underlined problems: Last Tuesday morning, when the bell rang, it was recess . Ali was the first pupil who rushed (from the classroom) towards the canteen as fast as lightning. He was very hungry as he did not have his breafast yet.

  • I have underlined problems: Last Tuesday morning, when the bell rang, it was recess .
  • Ali was the first pupil who rushed (from the classroom) towards the canteen as fast as lightning.
  • He was very hungry as he did not have his breafast yet.
  • As he reached the canteen, he did not see a boy looking for an empty seat.
  • Unluckily, he accidentally ran into a boy (who was) holding a bowl of hot noodle soup.
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5 Answers
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I have underlined problems:

Last Tuesday morning, whenthe bell rang, it was recess Emotion: time. Ali was the first pupi
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I try:

Last Tuesday morning, whilethe bell rang, it was recess Emotion: time. Ali was the first pupil who rushed (from the clas
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onto / -- This means 'delete'.

felt in pain -- This means 'change it'.

Last Tuesday morning whenthe bell rang, it was recess
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I try again:

Last Tuesday morning whenthe bell rang, it was recess Emotion: time. Ali was the first pupil who rushed (from the
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You have not fixed several problems that I indicated. Please re-read my note above about deletions.

Last Tuesday morning when the bell rang, it was recess

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