In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree ?

Question

There is an increasing number of juvenile offenders in many countries. Some people claim that under-aged criminal participating in major illegal activities should be punished as adults. However, my firm conviction is instead of basing on age, judge should impose punishment by considering the motive for crime.

Imposing adult punishment on teenage criminals who commit major crimes contribute greatly to juvenile offender rate reduction. Harsh sanctions, which are fit the crime, could deter other adolescents from engaging illegal activities. They may think twice before turning to a career of crime because of the fear of severe punishment. Therefore, teenage criminal rate could decrease. A perfect instance for this is Le Van Luyen, who was a under-eighteen premeditated murderer and burglar in Vietnam, received capital punishment. And a long time span after that, there were very few major crimes committed by teenagers.

Nevertheless, teenage is a sophisticated and sensitive age, which needs sympathy and tactful treatment. Several adolescents have to receive unpremeditated murder prison sentence due to their protection against children abuse. Numerous unprivileged kids around the globe chose to be rule-breakers as a way of making a living. The rate of children committing minor crimes such as shoplifting or pick pocketing for the purpose of getting food and money to survive is soaring every single day. These illegal activities enforce serious consequences in their development of conscience and lead to worse and major crimes like burglary or drug trafficking in order to earn easy money. Therefore, this kind of teenage criminals should be put on probation and provided education and vocational training instead of being imprisoned as adult criminals.

In conclusion, under-aged criminals have to receive the punishment fit to the crime. Basing on the motive for crime, the sanctions can be harsh and severe as adult or can be a psychology treatment and provide basic skills to ensure they will be normal and valuable people in the future.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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My essay:

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

KTTK However, my firm conviction is instead of basing on age, judge should impose punishment by considering the motive for crime.

You did not answer the essay prompt clearly. The examiner is looking for an answer to this question: To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Note that "extend" is a verb and is not correct in your instructions. The noun, extent, is correct.)

Your answer needs to be something like this:

I unequivocally disagree. Judges should impose punishment by considering the circumstances of the crime, not the age of the offender.

It is good to know a good handful of adverbs of extent because this is a very common prompt in IELTS Task 2 essays.

Complete agreement / disagreement:
------------

completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally

Partial agreement / disagreement:
----------------

somewhat
partially
partly
to some extent / to a limited extent / to a point
with (some / certain / a few) reservations
conditionally

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Your essay is about 315 words. It is a little too long.

The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

You have 40 minutes.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

There is an increasing number of juvenile offenders in many countries. Some people claim that under-aged ~~criminal~~ people (All criminals, by definition, participate in illegal activities. ) participating in major illegal activities should be punished as adults. However, my firm conviction is (Read my previous post about answering the essay prompt.) instead of basing it on age, the judge should impose punishment by considering the motive for the crime.

In your first body paragraph, you argue that juveniles should be treated like adults. In the second paragraph, you argue the opposite. Your essay is inconsistent. You need a clearer thesis statement and you need to focus on the topic.

This is the task:

Teenagers who commit major crimes should be given the same punishment as an adult. To what extent do you agree?

e.g.
I completely agree. Harsh punishments will not only reduce crime rates, but will also protect society from the worst offenders.

)

Imposing adult punishment on teenage criminals who commit major crimes contribute (wrong form) greatly to juvenile offender rate reduction. Harsh ~~sanctions~~, (wrong word - sanction is for nations or officials.) sentences which ~~are~~ fit the crime, could deter other adolescents from engaging in illegal activities. They may think twice before turning to a career of crime because of the fear of severe punishment. Therefore, teenage criminal rate will ~~could~~ decrease. A perfect instance for this is Le Van Luyen, who was ~~a under-eighteen~~ under eighteen when he committed premeditated murderer and burglary in Vietnam, received capital punishment. And for a long time ~~span~~ after that, there were very few major crimes committed by teenagers.

Nevertheless, ~~teenage~~ (wrong word. This is an adjective) is the teenage years are a sophisticated (wrong word) and sensitive age, which needs sympathy and tactful treatment. Several adolescents have to receive unpremeditated murder prison sentence due to their protection against children abuse. (That is very poor English. I do not understand.) ~~Numerous unprivileged~~ (wrong word ) ~~kids~~ Many underprivileged children around the globe chose to be rule-breakers as a way of making a living. The ~~rate~~ (wrong word) number of children committing minor crimes (You are off-topic. The topic is not about minor crimes.) such as shoplifting or pick pocketing for the purpose of getting food and money to survive is soaring every single day. ~~These illegal activities enforce serious consequences in their development of conscience~~ (That is very poor English..) If juveniles commit these minor crimes on a regular basis, they lose any sense of right and wrong and that leads to them being involved in more serious ~~to worse and major~~ crimes like burglary or drug trafficking in order to earn easy money. Therefore, ~~this kind of teenage criminals~~ these young offenders should be put on probation and provided education and vocational training instead of being imprisoned as adult criminals. (The topic is not minor offenses.)

In conclusion, under-aged criminals have to receive the punishment fit to the crime. Basing on the motive for crime, the s~~anctions~~ sentences can be as harsh and severe as those for an adult or can be ~~a psychology treatment~~ counseling or education to provide basic skills to ensure they will be normal and valuable people in the future.

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree ?

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